Closing Time, Don't Look Back in Anger and Whatever Other Catchy 90's Tune Fits a Season Recap

Editor's note: The following is an in-depth analysis of a soccer franchise. For those not interested in the sport, you may want to hit the back button on your browser. Or you might want to click this link. For those who are interested in expanding personal horizons or just want to read me bitch about my favorite soccer team, please continue.

I've spent an inordinate time watching the Liverpool Football Club this past season. Add to that the amount of time spent reading about the club on various websites, blogs, the inside of toilet stalls and crumpled pieces of tissue paper found in a garbage can outside of the Port Authority and I would venture to guess that I invested more time in this particular team than any other of my other favorites in recent memory. Sorry Yankees. Sorry Broncos. Sorry UConn men's basketball team. If I've offended any of you, I sincerely apologize.

4th place. It probably wasn't want the Reds were hoping for, but it probably is what they deserved. At certain points throughout the campaign they looked unbeatable, but as has been their problem over the past couple of seasons, they couldn't knock off the other elite teams when they had a chance. Couple that with a few too many head scratching draws (0-0 at home to relegated Birmingham, 1-1 at home to Wigan) and voila: a 76 point season. An eight point improvement over last season but somehow not living up to its full potential. So it's another season without title number 19 and a missed opportunity to take on Manchester United in the Champions League final. I'm still not ready to discuss their exit against Chelsea, so let's move on to something more constructive: criticizing players who will never read this.

Keepers - Pretty simple math here: Pepe Reina played every game (38) and only conceded 28 goals. That's pretty good. Outside of one or two brain diarrheas, it was another extremely consistent year for the baldest twenty-five year old keeper in the game. It's true that he isn't great at dealing with aerial threats and occasionally is beaten by poor positioning, but he makes up for it with his quick reflexes and his incredibly shiny dome. Clearly one of the top 3 keepers in the league at this point and should only get better. Poor Scott Carson will never get a game for the Reds and will have to go back to his previous job:



Defense - Strong in the middle and poor on the flanks. Carra was once again a rock at center half and a partnership with a fully healed Daniel Agger or his teammate for the second half of this season, Squirt Squirt Skrtel, should prove to be as impenetrable as Mother Teresa's poon. Sami Hyypia is serviceable against weaker opponents, but put anyone with speed against him and you can't help but notice that he is slower than molasses at temperatures nearing absolute zero.

So, the center of the back four is solid. Now the team just needs to bring in some competent fullbacks and we should be all set. This was probably the team's biggest weakness this year. John Arne Riise, aka The Ginger Legend, was fairly atrocious all season. Having seemingly lost control over his thunderous left boot, and incapable of guile on or off the ball, he is now clearly on the downslope of his career. Time to move him. Steve Finnan is as nondescript as a Prem player can be and at 32 is not going to get any better. That leaves Alvaro Arbeloa, The Woodsman and Fabio Aurelio, The Oft-Injured one. Neither really impress me. And they sure as hell don't scare opposing teams. One just needs to look at the fullbacks on the teams who finished higher than Liverpool to see how important an offensive defensive (if that makes sense) flank player is: Evra on Man U, Ashely Cole on Chelsea, Gael Clichy and Sanga on Arsenal. Those are some legit threats. Liverpool would be wise to strengthen this area of the squad.

Midfield - I love what Rafa did with the midfield this season. Switching to the 4-2-3-1 formation was a stroke of genius. Did he just get lucky? Perhaps. But it really opened things up for Steven Gerrard and solidified the back. Gerrard was his dominant self again this season and proved that he is the most complete midfielder in the league. The emergence of Javier Mascherano as one of the game's elite defensive midfielders was a nice bonus. Those two should continue to be at the heart of Liverpool's midfield for some time.

There is still room for considerable improvement in this area of the pitch. Xabi Alonso had what most would consider a down year and might be shipped out this summer. While I would be sad to see such an influential figure leave Anfield, maybe it's time for the Passmaster to move on. Our Dutch wingmen: Dirk Kuyt and Ryan Babel are both works in progress. Kuyt is learning a new position (wide right) and Babel is a 21-year old still acclimating to the English game. Personally, I believe that we are better off bringing in someone to replace Kuyt on the right wing, as he is quite limited in almost every important soccer skill, including: dribbling, trapping, passing, shooting and scoring. Basically he just runs around and never tires. He is the soccer equivalent of the Simpsons episode where Homer is a boxer and keeps winning because each opponent he faces gets so tired from beating the shit out of him. Not really a reputation Kuyt would like to hang his hat on, but a valuable one, I suppose.

Strikers - Hmmm, yes, this will do nicely: