The first full month of the baseball season is over and the Yankees trail the Rays in the American League East standings. That's a tough pill to swallow. Were that pill to actually exist it would contain horse semen, saw dust and granulated limestone. The Bronx Bombers sit at .500 (although they will probably slip below that mark tonight, as Cliff Lee continues his "Best Pitcher of All Time" impression) and trail the Red Sox by 4.5 games. Maybe not as doom and gloom as last year, but certainly not where the team expected to be after 34 games.
The news is only slightly rosier for the Yankees retarded half-brother, the Mets. They sit in third place, but only a game out of first. Following the historic collapse of last year, the Metropolitans would have wanted to get off to a better start. But they didn't and now their fans are bitching. I hear "Mets, worst team in baseball" almost on a daily basis. It's very uplifting stuff.
The city of New York is not ready to have two mediocre teams battling it out for the back cover of free tabloid newspapers. Summer is already unpleasant enough, I don't want to think about having to suffer through mediocrity from my Yankees. And the Mets, well, I could give two flying shiitakes about the Mets; if their languid play continues, it really makes no difference to me.
So, what team is in worse shape? That's what I intend to find out. Join me as we do a position by position comparison of the New York ballclubs.
Catcher - In a perfect world, 36 year old catchers who just signed 4-year contracts would not get injured and I would be able to use the Force and turn invisible. But, alas, such a world does not exist. And now the Yankees know that. Jorge Posada is out injured until God decides to heal his shoulder (pray, damn you, pray). When he comes back there is no guarantee that he will be able to throw the ball with any effectiveness. This is not good at all. Jose Molina has to play out of his mind for the next two months or else I will start pouting and throwing temper tantrum until Mommy sends me to timeout. Trust me, no one wants to see that. Least of all Mommy.
It's hard to believe but the Mets are sitting pretty with Brian Schneider, even if his finger did almost fell off.
Advantage: Mets
First Base - Seriously, Jason Giambi sucks. I don't care what stat you give me, he fucking sucks. No disrespect to the boys at FireJoeMorgan.com, but I refuse to accept any stat that argues that Giambi is a valuable contributor to the Yankees. BABIP, OPS+, VORP can all suck my balls.
Somewhere, a Mets fan is writing the exact same thing I just wrote, except the vitriol is directed at Carlos Delgado. But I watch Giambi on a daily basis, so he sucks more in my mind than Delgago does.
Advantage: Mets
Second Base - This was supposed to be a gimme position. Luis Castillo vs. Robinson Cano. An aging, injury prone slap hitter vs. an emerging superstar. Funny how things work out sometimes. To no great surprise, Castillo has been pretty shabby this year. He might be the only 32 year old non-catcher who can't play a day game after a night game. The one redeeming quality of his game is that he doesn't strike out that much. Not really a ringing endorsement. But when you compare it to what Cano has done this year...Sheesh. It's pretty ugly for the Yankees 2nd baseman.
Cano's OPS is less than .500. That is hard for me to imagine. Hold on, that can't be right, let me pull up my calculator. Jesus, it is right. He is OPSing .471. I really think that I could do better than that. Last year, he OPSed .841 and was touted as a future middle of the order guy. Now, he has to be the worst offensive player in baseball, so far. Will it remain that way. My gut says "No way in Hell" and also "Put Taco Bell in me immediately, slave" but there is no arguing that he has been one of the big reasons why the Yankees have struggled so far this season.
Advantage: Mets
Third Base - D. Wright and A-Rod are both amazing players. Writers much more gifted than I could write reams and reams of copy offering the written equivalent of fellatio to both men of the hot corner. But I'm not going to spend the time. Wright has been healthy this year, A-Rod has been on the 15-day DL already with a reoccurring injury. That worries me. The Mets win.
Advantage: Mets
Shortstop - This really should be a category that the Mets run away with. But for some reason, Jose Reyes has started this season similar to how he ended the last one: not very well. Don't get me wrong, he hasn't been terrible. But he sure hasn't been the Reyes of early 2007. That would concern me if I was a Mets fan. Instead, I'll just laugh about it and pick daisies in the park. La la la.
Jeter keeps plugging along, continuing to slap balls to right center and showcase an ever decreasing amount of range in the field. Just to piss of any sabermetrician (?) who might have stumbled upon this article, I'm going to give Jeter the nod over Reyes because of his intangibles and his grittiness and his desire and his leadership skills. Haha, Bill James must be rolling over in his office/grave in Theo Epstein's cellar.
Advantage: Yankees
Outfield + DH - Two different leagues here, so we are going to go with American League rules while evaluating. Damon, Cabrera, Abreu and Matsui vs. Alou, Beltran, Church and Angel Pagan. I'd love to see them battle it out, Survivor Series style. Which Latin player is going through the Spanish announcer's table? My guess would be Pagan.
Back to real sports. If Beltran can get his head out of his ass, then the Mets might stack up better against the Yanks quartet. But right now the outfield of the Yankees is OPS+ing 144, 130, 123, 160. That's solid enough to impress me. Also, I can't get the image of Matsui hurricaraning Pagan through a table out of my head. It's a little distracting.
Advantage: Yankees
Starting Pitching - Wang, Pettitte, Mussina, Hughes (oops), Kennedy (yikes). Yankees have 3/5 of that rotation still in place. Wang was 6-0 heading into tonight. Pettitte has been serviceable and somehow Moose is getting people out. I know, I can't believe it either. The back end of the rotation has experienced some growing pains. I think that both Hughes and Kennedy will have a positive impact on the season, but neither one of them started with much confidence. Solution: whores. Lots and lots of whores. Nothing picks up the old confidence like a night with a prostitute. Take notes, Cashman.
Outside of Santana, the Mets pitching is so nondescript that it pains me to write anything of value about them. In the place of flowing prose, I offer this haiku:
Pedro hurt again.
Where is his tiny midget?
Dead. Just like fastball.
Bullpen - Simple: Joba and Rivera are better than any combination that the Mets can put out there. Even Mr. Met and Cowbell Man.
Advantage: Yankees
Totals: 4 categories a piece. I guess both teams are equally fucked this season. Let the bitching and moaning commence in earnest.
2 comments:
Good thing Matty B switched allegiances to the Hot'lanta Braves at the end of last season; otherwise, he would probably be pretty, pretty, pretty pissed off right now with the Mets current form.
Baseball is gay. And so are the fans who watch it.
Ryan Church has been the best outfielder in all of NY this year. Rest of the mets outfield is garbage.
Cow Bell man must have giant forearms after beating that bell 81 days a year. pretty sure he would make a decent combo with Wagner out of the pen.
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