The Dames of Square (Soft) (Enix) (whatever, they are hot)

I've spent a lot of my life playing video games. Probably more time than any reasonable human should admit. There have been great experiences with games in the past: the multiple broken Guitar Hero guitars, the tears of sadness after Ocarina and the exhilaration of a blocked extra point in Madden. All great games and I'm a better gamer for having played them. But I'm an RPG enthusiast at heart; always have been, always will be. The one name that is synonymous with RPGs is Square. Throughout the years, they have developed some of the landmark games of the late 20th-early 21st century.

With games brimming with complex storylines, fully developed characters and amazing musical scores Square created an immense, and loyal, following for there games. By pushing the limits of the systems, they revolutionized the video game industry.

And they also had a habit of filling their games with hot bitches who aroused an intense sexual desire within my loins. So let's take a look back at some of the Square biddies that I grew to love in the most biblical sense...in my mind.

Final Fantasy 3 (or 6) - Celes

For all intents and purposes, Celes sucked in Final Fantasy 3. She could use magic when she entered your party, but wasn't as powerful as Terra either physically or magically. She is the only character available for a while right after the world was destroyed. If she hadn't been utilized up until that point, oops too bad, get ready to flee from battles. But you can't tell me you didn't feel something for her during the opera house sequence. Never have so few sprites looked and sounded so good. "Oh my hero...lick my 1x1 sprite vageen" or something along those lines.

Chrono Trigger - Marle

I wish I found a better picture of Marle because this one clearly does not do her justice. Chrono Trigger came around at the perfect time. I had an intense crush on a girl who (at least in my mind) resembled Marle. So I changed her name in the game to match that of my crush. I also was masturbating about four times a day. Life sure seems simple when you are 15 and are in love with a video game character named after the girl of your dreams.

Final Fantasy 7 - Tifa

It's hard to tell from this picture, but Tifa really gives Lara Croft a run for her money in the "Most Amazing Polygonal Tits" category. The Playstation came along and immediately pushed the boundaries of what chicks could look like in video games. I was just starting high school, my hormones were raging and there was no way in hell I was getting any ass. So Tifa became my imaginary slampig. Google image search her and you will see why. Just make sure the SafeSearch function is turned on.

Parasite Eve - Aya

Parasite Eve flew under the radar for the most part, overshadowed by the Final Fantasy series. But it is a solid game and features one of the hottest chicks to ever appear on the Playstation, Aya. I wish I could find a better screenshot to fully demonstrate her flaming beauty. But this one will have to do. She is wearing an evening gown and holding a firearm and is described in her Wikipedia page as having "a unique appearance as she boasts many Asian facial features, such as the shape of her face and eyes, while possessing typically Caucasian coloring, including blue eyes and fair blonde hair." If that isn't a recipe for a boner, then I don't know what is.

Chrono Cross - Miki

There are about 40 characters in Chrono Cross, one of the reasons why it's universally hailed as one of the best games ever. It was tough choosing the sexiest vixen of the bunch, but I settled on Miki because a) she is professional dancer and b) she has a move called "Sexy Wink." That works for me. She's agile, she's nimble, she can probably do a split and wants nothing more than to sit on your face. Possibly for money.

Stay tuned for part two tomorrow...