A Mouse and Other Thoughts

That's a mouse. Not the mouse that lives in the Fletchinator Dungeon of Sorrows, but a reasonable facsimile. I'm not pleased by its arrival or the tiny pieces of shit it leaves around the Dungeon. There are various traps set up and poised to strike, but none have succeeded in crushing this furtive bitch's spine, thus proving once and for all that mice really do have bones. Somewhere an old colleague of mine shakes his head in disbelief.

It is a hell of a thing to live in fear of a rodent 1/1ooth my size. I won't pretend like it doesn't bother me. It could be in the Dungeon's bedchamber right now, gnawing away at some tiny morsel of dropped food, ready to scurry off at the slightest hint of trouble. Show yourself mouse! Show some dignity and courage! If you surrender now, you will only face exile. Continue your dastardly crumb thievery and fecal vandalism and face the most horrid of terminations.

Enough about me. You didn't come here to read the nonsensical ramblings of a frightened adult male. You're here for chicks, beer, sports and video games and that is what I intend to give you. Just to prove that my head is in the right place, here's a zesty chick:

That's Sofia Vergara and I'm aroused.

On a completely unrelated note, here is a bunch of athletes I'd like to get drunk with:

Alexander Ovechkin - It's a known fact that hockey players love to party and I get the sense that Alexander the Great loves nothing more than downing a few brews and saddling up with some Russian biddies following a tough night on the ice.

Tiger Woods - But only if he pays for everything and brings this along:

John Elway - Drinks on me, John and don't be afraid to let loose. The best quarterback of all-time always drinks for free when I'm around. I'll make sure there are no meddling bartenders or law enforcement officers telling us that we've had enough.

Derek Jeter - I'll let Wikipedia explain: Jeter had a well publicized relationship with pop diva Mariah Carey from 1997 to 1998. Jeter also dated former Miss Universe Lara Dutta and actress Jordana Brewster. He is rumored to have dated actresses Scarlett Johansson, Gabrielle Union, and Jessica Alba...He has also dated Brazilian Supermodel Adriana Lima; with whom he did a commercial. Jeter also had an on-and-off relationship with television personality Vanessa Minnillo from late 2003 until early 2006. Most recently, Jeter had been linked to actress Jessica Biel.

Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

Adriano - Brazilian striker/media punching bag Adriano is okay in my book. The man just likes to get his drink on with exotic women. What's the crime in that. Leave him alone! He's a human being!

I'd include a basketball player, but I promised myself I would never mention basketball in this blog outside of the occasional UConn Huskies tidbit or the shittiness of the NBA. And boy, is it shitty. But not as shitty as this guy.