The Next 24 Hours Will Be Interesting

Congrats are in order to the Philadelphia Phillies for their World Series triumph this evening over the Tampa Bay Rays. Game 5, drawn out over three days was pretty entertaining to watch, but not nearly as exciting as what's going to happen in the sporting world over the next 24 hours. Here's 10 fearless predictions for what to expect in the coming hours.

1. In Philadelphia, there will be rioting, glorious, senseless rioting. Perhaps looting, as well. Raping and pillaging are not expected but arson is. Destruction of property is a given. So there will be slightly less criminal activity in Philly for the next day. Cops will be happy.

2. Millions of Americans will wake up tomorrow surprised to see a baseball celebration on the front page of the sports section. They will ask family members, train acquaintances and co-workers "Didn't the season end three weeks ago?" before returning to cups of dog piss coffee.

3. Bud Selig will remove his mouth from Fox Sports CEO David Hill's cock and ask Rupert Murdoch to kindly stop fucking him up the ass with a dollar bill laced condom long enough to award the Phillies the Commissioner's Trophy. He will then return to getting Eiffel Tower'ed by Hill and Murdoch.

4. This man will commit suicide by any means necessary:
5. Cubs fans will once again take solace in the fact that another 'cursed' team won the World Series and begin to dream of glory for next season. Then they will be rudely awakened from this reverie by the realization that they are pathetic losers and go back to hating life.

6. Instead of dragging his wife through the streets of Boston by her hair, Brett Myers will break a bottle of champagne over her head, then drag her through the streets of Philly by her bloody, matted mess of hair.

7. Ryan Howard will eat this:

8. Evan Longoria will get over his 1 for 20 performance in the World Series secure in the knowledge that one day, in the not too distant future, he will have redemption. He will also down multiple tequila shots out of a stripper's cleavage. That will help ease the pain.

9. Joe Maddon will regret not using David Price from the start of Game 5's second part. He will regret the mohawk on his head even more. But most of all, he will regret looking like a douchebag all season with those stupid glasses.

10. Thousands of Phillies will make personal promises not to boo the team next year no matter what happens. Then they will realize they are lying, eat a cheesesteak, watch Sixth Sense and bemoan the insufficiency of the black QB at the helm of the Eagles.