Friday Afternoon Clairvoyance and a Look Back at '07

Another year has come and gone.  It's hard to believe that there are only a scant number of days between the end of 2007 and the dawning of 2008, the year that the world finally becomes into the orgiastic dystopia that I've been praying for.  Before looking ahead to the coming year, I think that it's fitting to take a look back at some of the more interesting chicks, beer, sports and video game stories from the past 12 months.

OMG WTF Brit Brit - Remember this:

Of course you do.  I remember being a sophomore in high school and having my dick in my hand for months on end, fantasizing about this tasty morsel of jailbait.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  

When I think of the most newsworthy events of the past year, the demise of Britney Spears is the first thing that comes into my mind.  Ahhh, the refreshing taste of schadenfreude.  It always goes down smooth.  While we are on the subject of demises, the following people, infinitely more talented and/or important than Brit Brit, died this year:

Benazir Bhutto, Kurt Vonnegut, Evel Knievel...Wait, this is getting pretty morbid.  Time to move on.

I Personally Believe You Should Die - For people who can't understand why other countries hate America, I offer you this:

Mountaineers Shit Bed, Return to Banging Cousins - With the BCS Championship on the line and only the lowly Pitt Panthers standing in their way, it seemed certain that the West Virginia Mountaineers would be playing for the title.  Oops!  Cleanup on aisle Morgantown.  

That one stung quite a bit.  West Virginia will now return to their previously scheduled notoriety: being the punch-line for various incest jokes.

Oh!  The Humanity - Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 New York Mets:

Death toll: Hindenburg - 36 people, 2 dogs.  2007 New York Mets - 44 people, dreams of countless young children.*  (*may or may not be accurate)

Nando Torres Boner Counter Reaches 500 - "If you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours, please contact your physician."  This can be either a warning from a Cialis commercial or what I say to myself after watching a goal of this caliber: 

I'm giddy right now, just like a little school girl who recently found out that the boy she was crushing on likes her.  I swoon at the sight of Nando.  One sec, let me check my cootie catcher to see if he might like me.
Making Guitar Hero My Bitch - 2007 was a year of turmoil for the Fletchinator.  There was a career change and a move.  There was also my tumultuous on-and-off again relationship with the vengeful cunt, Guitar Hero II.  It wasn't a healthy relationship.  This is how it worked: I would beat the shit out of her, then she would turn around, all bruised and battered, a cotton swab jutting out of her left nostril, blood caked around the corners of her mouth, and slug me with an uppercut.  We would eventually make up and forget about the past.  But, as with all unhealthy relationships, we would inevitably tread down that violent path again.  Until finally I made a stand.  I said to myself, "Fletchinator, you are not going to let this bitch run your life.  Take a stand, man."  And that's exactly what I did.  I strapped on my small plastic guitar and countered her bukkake of notes with fingering so fast that it made all women within 12 miles moist.  It was a victory that was long savored; one that I will tell my grandchildren.  Especially the parts about bukkake and making chicks moist.

Gone Fishin' - I caught a fish over the summer.  Rejoice.  I accomplished little else this year.  It was a good year.

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Let's take a look at the upcoming weekend/New Year's Eve celebration and check out the match-ups that matter most.

Patriots vs Giants - At this point, who the f cares?  The Pats are going undefeated.  Deal with it.  I don't like it, but I'm a realist.  The Giants aren't stopping them this weekend and unless the Colts can grow some balls and learn how to play outside in January, the Pats are running the table.  At least it will put an end to Mercury Morris and his madness.

No Country for Old Men vs There Will Be Blood - Both have had their taints tongued by critics far and wide.  I'm looking forward to seeing both this weekend, but am not excited about paying for either.  If I had any courage, I would try sneaking into one right after the other, but clearly that is not going to happen.  On a completely unrelated note, at what point does it become logical to combine movie theaters and strip clubs.  If you are going to play $10+ for a movie, why not go the distance, throw a little more cash down and get a lapper?  It seems like a perfect fit.  Movies mostly suck these days anyway.  I think introducing a little personal attention can only enhance the experience.

Roommates vs New Year's Eve - Big question marks heading into this match up.  Drinking starts at around 7pm.  Open bar commences exactly at 9.  Will my roommates be able to last until midnight?  The smart money is on yes, but I've witnessed both bow out before the witching hour on a couple of occasions.  They both have unlimited Red Bull/vodkas on their side, so I think that they will take the first few hours of 2008 by storm.  

That's about it for 2007.  Here's to more debauchery and more chicks, beer, sports and video games in the coming new year.