Perhaps this is not the type of information that should be spread publicly across the interweb tubes, but if Clay Aiken feels comfortable enough admitting that he enjoys the company of penis, then I can at least do my part. I'm a fantasy soccer nerd. Last season alone I had fantasy teams for the Premership, Serie A, La Liga, Ligue 1 and the Champions League. Things have calmed down a little since then, but I still spend way too much time obsessing over a sport that most people in this country couldn't care less about. But as you can probably tell from the countless Liverpool/WAG posts, I can't get enough of it. So much so that I write a weekly e-newsletter that recaps the last week's Prem games and looks ahead the following weekend's matchups. I do this once a week. Not including me, there are two people who receive this, one of whom is already considering cancelling subscription even though the newsletter is free. That's how big of a nerd I am.
So, in an attempt to make myself seem less pathetic, I bring to my loyal fanbase a taste of the Remember Laughter Register, the weekly Premiership fantasy e-newsletter. If you're interested in signing up, or just want to laugh at me for being lame, just drop me a line in the comments or send me an email. Minor edits have been made to protect the innocent subscribers (both of them) and to avoid any fantasy value confusion that might arise from being registered on different fantasy sites.
The Remember Laughter Register
Volume V, 9/25/08
The world steadies its eyes towards Wall Street and Washington D.C. as the fate of the American economy hangs in the balance. Will the $700 billion bailout rescue the plummeting economy? Or is it just a quick fix to a deeper problem? Meanwhile, the eyes of football fans are squarely focused on a similar crisis happening in the northeast of England. When will the turmoil that has sent Newcastle spiraling to the relegation zone end? Is there a bailout awaiting the Toon army at the end of this murky tunnel? Who will be their savior? The hole is deep for the Magpies and without any solution (or manager) in sight, it’s worrying times for Newcastle fans around the world. In other news around the league, Manchester United and Chelsea draw in the marquee match day four meeting and Liverpool failed to breakthrough a stubborn Stoke City rearguard, earning the Potters a famous point at Anfield.
Star of the Week – Michael Chopra, Sunderland
Finding the pace of the game can be a tough ask for any player coming off the bench, but that role seems to suit Sunderland striker Michael Chopra. His ten minute double against Middlesbrough secured three points for the Black Cats and sent them rocketing up to the top half of the table. Whether manager Roy Keane decides to keep this goal predator on the bench or elects to send him out in the starting 11 remains to be seen, but the gaffer would be wise to give Chopra an extended run and see what the young man can do. Honorable mention: Robinho, Thomas Sorensen, David Di Michele
Scalawag of the Week – David James, Portsmouth
The first repeat scalawag of the season and it goes to a man at the receiving end of a 6-0 drubbing by the suddenly potent Manchester City. Not at fault for a number of the half dozen, the dishonor bestowed upon him is a reflection of the total fantasy package rather than any horrendous howler. The quixotic James continues to baffle spectators throughout the land, with a combination of jaw dropping saves and gasp inducing blunders. Now inching closer to his 40th year, James is strikingly consistent in his inconsistency. Dishonorable mention: Harry Redknapp, Robbie Keane, Steven Taylor
Through the Looking Glass – Next Week’s Fixtures
Everton v Liverpool
Aston Villa v Sunderland
Fulham v West Ham
Man Utd v Bolton
Middlesbrough v West Brom
Newcastle v Blackburn
Stoke City v Chelsea
Arsenal v Hull City
Portsmouth v Tottenham
Wigan v Man City
Keep an Eye On – Robinho, Manchester City
Two games and two goals for the diminutive Brazilian. Should any less be expected from the most expensive player in the history of English football? Regardless of the expectations, the former Real Madrid galacticos, has become an instant hero at the City of Manchester stadium and with the supporting cast around him, should have no problem finding the back of the net on a regular basis. As the quick, small guy in his strike partnership with compatriot Jo, Robinho will find space abound as defenses struggle to adapt to the new, and undeniably, improved Man City.
Under the Radar – Kevin Davies, Bolton Wanderers
After an aberrantly dry spell all of last season, the Bolton target man has already tallied as many times this year (3) as he did in 2007/8. The style of play at Bolton remains ploddingly direct, so there isn’t really an explanation for the drop in production for Davies. What’s important is that he has regained his goal scoring touch and owners should expect Davies to hit the double digit goal mark with little difficultly this campaign. As the main target for any and all corners and free kicks, there’s no reason to think otherwise.
From the Terrace
Dear Remember Laughter Register Editor (yes I made up a fake letter to the editor section):
My favorite team is Tottenham. We got rid of one of the best strike partnership in the Premier League for a group of mostly unproven foreigners and now we are at the bottom of the table. How long can we expect to wait before this team starts to show signs of progress?
Best,
Distressed in N. London
To Distressed:
It has been an awful start to the season for one of the teams pipped to possibly make the jump into the top four. Now a top half finish would probably suit Spurs fans. To answer your question, at least another four to five games will go by before we see any cohesion with this team. That doesn’t mean to expect a string of losses for your beloved squad, but don’t be surprised if wins are hard to come by for another month or so. Once the manager settles on his preferred 11, then the winning ways will return to Tottenham. Having only played a handful of games so far, it’s nigh on impossible to separate the real quality out from the bunch. Juande Ramos will get there in time. Patience and expectation control is the key here.
Link-o-the-Week
(scroll down for the head scratching hilarity)
1 comment:
you should make past issues available through the archieves section. i am a proud subscriber to the times-- unfortunatley, my soccer squad, Upset City FC is having a tough go of it in the early rounds.
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