The Netflix Now post is a new feature that I'd like to introduce to CBSVG for when I can't come up with something more interesting to write about. The premise is simple: suggest a movie that incorporates one of the four tenets of this blog and write a brief review of it without paying any attention to important things like plot, directing or any of that mis en scene bullshit that I learned about in college. After reading the review, decide for yourself if it's worth a Netflix rental. If you disagree with my judgement of the film, you will be assassinated. This is a tyrannical blog.
First up in the Netflix Now queue: The Machine Girl
Just take a look at the poster for this movie:
and try to tell me that isn't awesome. I defy you to. Go ahead, I'll wait.
It's a hot Japanese college student, in a school girl outfit no less, with a mother fucking machine gun for an arm. It took every bit of my strength not to write that previous sentence in all caps with about 14 billion explanation points.
In this movie, the following things will happen:
- A person will be skinned alive by bullets
- An arm will be deep fried and turned into human tempura
- The most powerful ninja stars in existence will be thrown
- There is a drill bra
- A hot Asian chick will try to get revenge on the yakuza with a machine gun for an arm.
- The Fletchinator will pop a boner and beat off to said hot Asian chick
Without giving too much away, this is by far the bloodiest movie I've ever seen (a list that includes Saving Private Ryan, Ichi the Killer and various blood letting snuff films that I found under my parents' bed). But it manages to never take itself to seriously and reminds me of a collection of live action Mortal Kombat fatalities played for 96 straight minutes more than anything else. There's humor, gore and hot chicks abound in The Machine Girl. The only downside is that there is no nudity here but I can let it side here because there is such an excess of everything else.
Here's the trailer:
Those who have also seen it, please leave your impressions in the comments. Or don't. I'm just trying to help here.
2 comments:
Don't forget that in the film, the following also happened:
- A girl lost her foot and proceeded to attach a chainsaw to it and slice a guy in half.
- A man eats sushi with his sliced fingers on it.
- A man is tortured by having nails hammered into his head. Then later, you see him moping about without the nails. I imagine pulling them out is much more painful then hammering them in.
- There is a machine gun / martial art training montage.
- A whimpering kid pisses himself.
- Two Yakuza bodyguards are necrophiliacs... but only with college chicks.
well i didnt want to give the whole thing away!
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