So, I'm getting some flak in the comments section for unoriginal posts. Ouch, that stings. I'm trying my best here people. I'm not Ricky Bobby. I don't wake up in the morning and piss excellence. Sorry loyal fans, it has been a long week with a lot of distractions. But for the second time this year, I'm rededicating myself. Maybe I'll try a new format: more posts, less length. It's worth a shot. Life is going on the back burner and I'm focusing solely on the blog. Screw everything else.
Onto the task at hand: the penultimate weekend of football. At this point, I'm like a junkie dying for the next score. See my TV? I'll sell it to you for a dime-bag of football. You've got a kilo of pigskin? Here's my anus, fill it with whatever you so desire. I need football or else I'm going to fucking die.
That paragraph was not hyperbole. Neither is this: "Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together." - Kent Brockman (Sorry Big Daddy Drew, I'm stealing your Gratuitous Simpsons Quote idea this week).
But let's not become football-centric here. There are a lot of other great events going on this weekend besides football. It is my duty as a part-time blogger to inform you of what those events are. I will briefly address football, then move on.
Chargers vs Patriots - Patriots are going to win, plain and simple. Fuck the Patriots, fuck Bill Simmons and fuck Boston.
Prediction - Patriots: I don't give a fuck, Chargers: Rot in Hell
Giants vs Packers - Every week I put up a picture of Eli Manning looking like he has either a) just crapped his pants or b) is crying out for his blankie. I'm going to do it again because I don't want belligerent Giants fans blaming me if the G-Men lose this weekend. I don't want this guy giving me a hard time:
To appease Carl and his flock of ravenous vultures, aka Giants fans, here is your weekly dose of Eli, this time in lovely 'cringe' form.
Prediction - Can Eli work the magic once more? I'm going to say yes. Giants win in Lambeau 31-28.
Other events of note: Australian Open.
The Return of King Kev:
More Australian Open:
Cloverfield not living up to the hype.Roy Jones Jr. vs Felix Trinidad:
That's a lot of stuff to handle in one weekend. Thank God Martin Luther King Jr. came around and got us all an extra day off. That and the whole Civil Rights thing. Somewhere Dr. King is frowning on the picture I just posted. Sorry sir, but I felt it was necessary to poke fun at the age of the two pugilists. Can't wait to burn in hell for that.
Everyone else, enjoy the three-day weekend.
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