Battle on the River Mersey (Live Blog)

About 30 minutes left before kickoff in Merseyside derby (aka Liverpool vs Everton) and the stakes have rarely been higher. The Reds hold a 2-point lead over their city rivals for the all important fourth spot and Champions League qualification. A win here is vital for the Pool as they try to regain some of the confidence they had before getting bitch slapped and donkey punched simultaneously by Manchester United last weekend. With a trio of games against Arsenal in the next fortnight, it is imperative that the Reds get back to winning ways. No better way to do it than to roll over Everton.

The old saying goes familiarity breeds contempt. No other Premier League game has produced more red cards over the decades. Fans aren't to fond of each other, either. Might have something to do with the fact that the stadiums are about a mile apart.

You just know that the walk across Stanley Park is one filled with hooliganism. I need to get in on that. I'm secretly bummed that the whole hooligan movement never really migrated to America. Drats. Oh well. Almost kick off. Time to musk up.

Programming note: The Mighty Buntaro is making his triumphant return to the color commentary booth. So be on the look out for his pithy comments.

First Half - Team news: Liverpool comes out with Riise in the left back position. That should be interesting. Other news that warrants mentioning : Lucas is in for the suspended Monster Masch, who lost his mind in the Man U game. Everton comes out with Yakubu as the lone striker. It will be interesting to see how they manage without Tim Cahill. He has a busted foot and is out for the rest of the season. Pussy.

1:00 - Arteta lets loose a speculative shot with his left foot from 25 yards out. Meat and potatoes for Reina. Here is hoping the bald Spaniard rebounds from a bad outing against United.

One note: Liverpool is attacking the Kop end in the first half. Just thought I'd point out for anyone following along.

5:38 - Babel stretching his legs as he chases a Lucas pass down the left flank. His cross goes out for a throw. He is fast.

6:30 - GOAL!!!! The legend spreads! Nando collects the ball after Everton fails to clear and scores passed an onrushing Tim Howard. I am in love with this man. I want to have his babies. Or at least have him impregnate my girlfriend.

8:16 - Lee Carsley sees yellow for a vicious tackle on Nando. He could have seen red. Probably should have seen red. Free kick to the Pool...pulled wide by Stevie G.

From the Mighty B: i expect you have a boner right now Seriously Torres has perfected the slide kick i feel half his goals have been scored this way

Torres has scored in 6 consecutive home games. That is the sort of thing that endears a player to the fans. And it's safe to say that he has endeared himself quite nicely.

11:45 - Everton have been unable to settle. No doubt the goal didn't help. Babel again causing headaches down the left. Cross is headed out for a corner. Ball cleared to Riise who wastes the opportunity by trying an audacious volley from 30 yards. Probably not the best option there, Ginger Legend.

15:18 - Torres and Gerrard might be in a relationship. Or at least living together unbeknownst to the public. They work so well together it's ridiculous. Dirk Kuyt has a volley deflected back to him and then a follow up saved by Tim Howard. This is good stuff from the Pool. They are in the mood today, very much to my enjoyment.

20:00 - Great opening 20 minutes for the Reds. They have been in control from the start and have a deserved goal. Everton has yet to threaten.

21:36 - Just like that, Everton wins a corner. The inswinger is headed out of danger by the giant Finn, Hyypia.

Comments from the Mighty B (who is on IM right now):
That ref is jacked

Benitez wearing his lucky red tie

so far..... working well.

uhh, torres kind of looks like a girl

he needs to cut those locks

I don't want think Nando needs to change a thing. He could come out sporting a dreads and a braided beard and I would still pop boners like Hugh Hefner on 34 Viagra pills.

24:00 - Kuyt misses a header from a corner kick. Tough chance, but no excuse for a complete whiff. Maybe he is distracted by the prospects of a Goonies sequel.

27:25 - It's contagious! Babel misses a header from a looping cross from Riise. Ugh, that was a great chance. Lay out sir! Get your jersey dirty.

30:30 - Liverpool with a dangerous free kick after Torres is dragged down. Let's see what Gerrard can conjure up. A level 70 elemental spell! A terrific free kick. But the ball is headed out off an Everton defnder.

32:45 - Interesting control by Babel. Under minimal pressure, he decides that the best move is to kick the bal out of bounds. Hmm, might want to work on that in the offseason, Tower of.

34:40 - Gerrard hassling the defenders incessantly. Like that, the crowd erupts into Stevie's song. I'd like to have 40000 people starting singing about me one day. I guess that will have to wait until Unsanitary Napkin makes it to the big time.

37:20 - Dangerous free kick from Arteta. Lescott heads it goalwards, possibly handled by Hyypia. Cleared to Babel, who tries but can't beat the defender. Replay shows that Hyypia did not commit a hand ball. Take that Everton, lousy cheats.

39:32 - From a Reina clearance, ball headed down to Gerrard. The Liverpool captain unleashes a venomous volley that beats Howard, but strikes the center of the goal post and rockets out of danger. Almost a classic goal. Liverpool unlucky to not be up by more than one.

45:20 - Liverpool continue to pile on the pressure at the end of the half. Kuyt pushes a volley wide, Riise has a thunderbolt deflected wide, Hyypia glances a header wide. Great stuff from the Reds. It's been a wonderful half for Liverpool. But they need to get another goal to make sure the deed is done. There's is the halftime whistle. I'm going to grab a bagel.

Trying to find a sexy photo of Nando's girlfriend. Not having much luck. Here is a bunch of pictures. Apparently they are teenage sweethearts. Good to see that he hasn't been corrupted by English WAGS and prostitutes.

The Mighty B's firt half take:
Everton are not playing well they're better than this

Liverpool are playing well

even Kuyt is showing signs of normalcy... i expected more of a retarded play from him

Gripping stuff from Buntaro.

2nd Half - Outstanding bagel. Really hit the spot. Hopefully Liverpool will hold on to the lead and I won't have to throw up the freshly digested food.

48:16 - Everton corner, punched clear by Reina. Babel hacked down hard by Pineaar, who is justly shown a yellow card. Dirtbag.

51:02 - Not much happening in the first five minutes of the second half, Liverpool have yet to replicate the tempo of the first half and Everton still have yet to seriously mount any ongoing pressure.

53:30 - "Feed the Yak" is apparently what Everton need to do. Great little motto there.

56:45 - Lucas is struggling to do anything right at the moment. In the past three minutes, he has given the ball away multiple times and been knocked to the ground. We might see him suckling a zipper in the near future.

57:30 - The spotty play from Lucas continues as his clumsy challenge gives Everton a free kick. Arteta's service is terrible and the ball is easily cleared. The play conintues and Everton get another free kick in almost exactly the same spot. This time Arteta's cross is perfect. Leon Osman's header goes wide. Thankfully. Reina was rooted to the spot. Had that been on net, we would have a tie game. Maybe that will spur the Reds back to life.

60:25 - Yakubu almost through on goal after turning Skrtel. Terrible dive from Yakubu. That is shameful, yet somehow he escapes without being booked. Ronaldo would be proud of those theatrics.

63:01 - The offensive struggles continue for the Reds. They cannot get anything started going forward. It is looking more and more likely that Everton might nip a goal here, which would cause me to punch something. The likely targets are some near by pillows or my thigh. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.

66:59 - I would love to see a competition to see who is more incompetent when it comes to crosses: Kuyt or Babel. I realize that they are playing out of position, but seriously, how hard is it to pick out a teammate once in a while?

68:05 - I will no longer mention Liverpool corners in this space, as they undoubtedly never lead to goals. See you in hell, corner kicks.

70:45 - The importance of a second goal cannot be overstated. With a Champions League game this week against Arsenal, another tally would put the game away and allow Rafa to take off a couple of key players for some additional rest. That's looking less and less likely at the moment.

74:10 - I envision a lot of standing for the rest of the game. Nervousness is creeping in. Crowd is getting restless. Great, that's really how I wanted this to play out. Might be a good idea to get a sub in soon.

77:55 - Completely unrelated note: the bottom of my chin hurts for some reason. Really a strange feeling I can't recall what I did to cause this. Unlike most Sundays, I might shower today.

The Mighty B has fallen silent in the second half, presumably because of his quest for the world's most delicious frozen mozzarella stick.

81:50 - The Scientist has come in to replace Babel. Like most of this attacking teammates, Babel was virtually silent in the second stanza.

83:00 - Seven minutes ago and it's hard to see Liverpool summoning a flurry to kill off the game. They seem to be more comfortable with soaking up the pressure. I'm not comfortable with that. Think of the fans for once!

85:55 - Yak is causing problems in the box. He chests down the ball and tries to fire a shot. Skrtel hoofs it behind the goal for a corner. Everton pouring people into the box. Everton is able to retain possession after Liverpool clear their lines.

87:11 - Wow, almost a great strike by Kuyt. His curling shot from just outside the box is inches wide. That looked destined for the top corner. Nando picks up a silly yellow card for kicking the ball after a stoppage. Uncharacteristic lack of composure from the young Iberian.

89:04 - Jermaine Pennant replaces Torres. We are into the final minute of regular time and Liverpool have no strikers on the pitch. It's safe to say that they have adopted a defensive strategy. Although the move almost pays immediate dividends. Gerrard controls Reina's goal kick and unleashes a pulsating drive that Howard has to stretch to reach.

91:00 - One minute into extra time. Oh I forgot that Kuyt was in. He is a striker. Just not a very good one. Everton continue to press forward.

92:14 - Final minute, free kick to Liverpool in the Everton half. Crouch in for Gerrard. This looks like it is in the bag. Not enough time for Everton to counter, you would have to believe.

There it is! Final whistle. Liverpool hold on to win 1-0 and further solidify their 4th place position. The second half was devoid of any passion and inspiration for Liverpool but a win is a win, especially when it comes in a derby. They will have to be better if they have any hope of progressing past Arsenal in the Champions League.

The Mighty B's final thought:
Crouch played a TREMENDOUS game

that 1st and only touch of his proved vital in this epic victory

Damn right, Mighty B. Damn right.