This Happened in Vegas

Remember the old "Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" advertising campaign? It featured people back at home following a zany Las Vegas adventure trying to avoid discussing the amazing, yet slightly embarrassing, experience in Sin City. It was pretty dumb. If the whole point of your city is to try to get people to come and lose all inhibitions, why would you not want to broadcast that? It's fucking Vegas. It's not like people don't know that people go f'ing bonkers there. Want an example? Here is a whole list of shit that just happened to me and/or my friends while we were there over the weekend. The identities of my assclown buddies have been hidden to protect them from their idiocy. This happened in Vegas:

• Thousands of dollars were won and lost playing blackjack
• Hundreds of dollars were won playing craps
• Hundreds of dollars were lost buying multiple bottles of vodka
• Multiple hours were spent drinking heavily at a topless beach
• At said topless beach, a private cabana was given to us
• At said cabana, over a thousand dollars were spent on Bud Light alone
  
• Chicks were invited to said cabana and removed their tops
• Breakfast and dinner buffets were consumed
• Strip clubs were visited until 7am
• Gentlemen were passed out by 7pm
• A drunken woman was witnessed having sex with an intoxicated man in a crowded hot tub, surrounded by a couple hundred people
• The same woman was seen vomiting and removed from the premises in a wheelchair
  
• Girls were taught how to give lap dances, then immediately showcased what they had learned
• Panties were removed and handed out to gentlemen
  
• The words "You are making me so wet...Feel..." were said to gentlemen, along with "You are so big, just stick in one finger."

For those who were there, please feel free to add something in the comments section. Hell of a weekend.